Category
Deli-from-Helli
Anything relating to the (now infamous) Armenian deli near my office which I’ve frequented over the years. Crazy place.
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10.19.06You want butter with that, lady?Long-term readers of this blog may be overjoyed to hear that I've created a special category for posts pertaining to the Deli-from-Helli, the somewhat random Armenian sandwich emporium that I've been frequenting on and off for a number of years now. Those who have no idea what I'm talking about should visit that collection of posts and catch up. There's more to come, I promise. Or is that a threat? Update: Wah. Categories not working for some reason. Will sort out. Hold that thought. Update Update: Categories fixed. Feast away.
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02.17.05So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, ցտեսությունI moved jobs recently, relocating to an office about half a mile down the road. It wasn't hard: the new office is (half a mile) closer to home, and therefore an easier commute, plus handier for lunchtime shopping and eating options. The toughest bit, however, was not waving goodbye to my familiar view, my old desk or my lovely perfectly-adjusted-for-my-bum aeron chair... it was breaking the news to the staff of the Armenian delli-from-helli across the road from the old office, where I had been getting lunch (and sometimes breakfast, and sometimes dinner) most days for the last five and ...
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01.01.03All is ForgivenI've had issues with the Armenian deli-from-helli recently. I mean, I've always had issues with them - the random order fulfillment, the rudeness, the wildly varying pricing policy, the chaos and stress of just trying to get a coffee and some toast in the morning - but recently, they've surpassed themselves.For a month or so, now, I've been avoiding Bad Cop. Remember her? The "what you want, lady?" lady? Bad Cop is the snappish matriarch who bosses the other family members around, and seems to want to be in charge of the cash register, the coffee machine and the sandwich ...
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12.16.02How Rude?There's a guy walking down the road swigging from a plastic Coke bottle. He's got one hand on the bottle and the other on his crotch, for reasons I don't fully understand except that he might also be holding his trousers up - they're so low-slung and capacious I can see the bottom of his boxer shorts. He takes one last mighty swig from the bottle and then throws it - not even just a quiet drop - off into someone's front garden.For a moment, I'm tempted to repeat the action my mother must have done a thousand times when ...
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12.16.02Oil SlickQueueing in the deli at lunchtime (mozarella and avocado on lavash bread, since you ask) I was suddenly aware that the mouths of all the women around me were awash in a giant slick of lip-gloss. Not lipstick. Not colour. But sticky, semi-transparent or slightly-coloured wet-look gloss, making each mouth look dripping and wet and, basically, ready for anything. Don't get me wrong - I have lip-gloss too (blame Cat Deeley), but I tend not to think about it as a fashion thing - it's less of a hassle than lipstick, and more interesting than blisteze. But you know what? ...
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12.08.02What You Want, Lady?Mornings start well when they start with Marmite on toast and latte from the local Armenian deli. Well, at least they start surreally. The people who work there have a sort of Good Cop - Bad Cop thing going on. You go in and depending on who you get serving you, you might be in and out in the time it takes the bread to brown, or it could be a lot longer than that. If you get the Good Cop, you place your order, she prepares it, and then you leave. Simple. Uncomplicated. Straightforward. If you get the Bad ...
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10.29.02All is ForgivenI've had issues with the Armenian deli-from-helli recently. I mean, I've always had issues with them - the random order fulfillment, the rudeness, the wildly varying pricing policy, the chaos and stress of just trying to get a coffee and some toast in the morning - but recently, they've surpassed themselves.For a month or so, now, I've been avoiding Bad Cop. Remember her? The "what you want, lady?" lady? Bad Cop is the snappish matriarch who bosses the other family members around, and seems to want to be in charge of the cash register, the coffee machine and the sandwich ...
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06.21.02Gooooooo-ooooo-ooooo-aaaaa-llllThis is the first and only time you'll ever catch me writing about football, I promise.Let's put the cards on the table. I'm not interested in football. Regional/local games and teams just leave me cold - perhaps because I've never really strongly identified with a particular part of the country (hence no local loyalty), perhaps because I come from a completely non-footballing family - I think my dad once had a magpies mug in the kitchen cupboard, because of his family roots, but I'm sure you'd never see him getting up at seven to watch a pivotal match. It's ...
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05.13.02LunchThere was a long queue for sandwiches in the deli this lunchtime. Good Cop seems to be off sick (food poisoning, perhaps?) so Bad Cop bossed everyone about - even the customers - barking orders in impenetrable Armenian at the minions, and choppy English at those of us on the other side of the counter. The queue snaked the length of the shop, and then doubled back on itself, as it usually does. We waited, some patiently, some not so. A short, unkempt, vague looking woman of a certain age wandered in, wearing a sports jacket and carrying her hand ...
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04.25.02In the Deli"Help you, lady?" "Brown sliced bread with ham and cheese please" "Brown bread, lady?" "Yes please" "You want butter, mayo, lady?" "Just a little of each, please" "You want butter, lady?" "Yes, a little bit, please" "Mayo lady?" "A little bit, yes please" "You want ham and cheese?" "Yes, please" "You want cheese, lady?" "Yes please, and ham" "You want salad, lady?" "Just lettuce and tomato, please" "You want cucumber, lady?" "No thanks, just lettuce and tomato, please" "Your sandwich, lady. £1.50" "Here you go. Thanks." "So, BT are offering a new broadband solution, lady? And AOL made a £50 million loss this year, eh?" "What?! Er...yes...er...thank you...goodbye..." WTF?
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