Category
Overheard
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11.23.07Overheard at the bus stopOldish woman wearing a red coat, to another, with bulging handbag: 'Scuse me...I think I recognise you from somewhere. Can't think where, though.... Other woman: [smiles] Off the telly? Maybe? First woman: [cocks head on one side and pauses] No, that's not it... Second woman: I'm an Actor? In, um, Eastenders? [smiles at the other people in the bus stop, as if to indicate that this happens all the time] First woman: [studies the other woman for another moment] OH! I know! You look like that woman in the lamp shop down the road! Second woman: [looks confused] ... First woman: [reassuringly, smiling] ...it's the hair. Second ...
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04.04.07Overheard on the bus #382Two teenage boys from posh local public school, all shaggy hair and cricket pads in kit bags and high colour in their cheeks. They are indulging in a playful conversation about a girl they both know, and then one suddenly goes into his version of an imitation of Catherine Tate's most famously catchphrased character: "Do I look bothered? I mean, look at my face. Am I bothered?" The other one stops laughing and says "Oh no, don't do that, Lucas: it makes you sound so common" Lucas, with cut-glass accent, expensive sunglasses in his hair and goggle-tan-lines from his recent snowboarding trip to switzerland ...
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03.20.07Desperately Seeking(Overheard on the bus at midnight. Two men, both slurring, slumped on the back seat and reeking of an evening of liquid exuberance.) "What did you think about tonight, mate? Did you have a good time?" "Yeah." "I dunno what you reckon, but I reckon that the...the life force has gone out of 'ammersmiff these days" "Yeah." "It's so important for a place to have a life force, you know?" "Yeah." "Hammersmith used to have loads of it, but these days...well, I dunno, it's just gone, ain't it?" "Yeah." "Maybe next time we could go on a train down to Clapham, there are loads of pubs - great pubs, ...
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02.27.07Things I learnt from the boys behind me on the busSpecial International Edition: San Francisco (#3 route, Filmore St - Union Square) Carlo is gay Ruben is, like, totally gay Amanda in seventh grade eithera) will do it with anyoneb) hasn't done it with anyone orc) definitely did it with that guy Josh in sixth grade, the one who looks gay. This last fact is known by all the sixth graders and all the seventh graders, seriously. There may be a significant stake ($5) up for grabs for anyone who can establish the veracity of any or all of these claims. In other news, Deon once did a rubix cube in, like, 4 minutes. When asked who ...
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01.26.07Overheard in the lift"...so I said to Carl, 'You should have said to him "if you want to jump, then JUMP and stop wasting our time"'..." Consideration, empathy and people skills abound in West London, today. -- Incidentally, punctuationally speaking, what's the best alignment of various marks for the above? I think I've got it right, but am happy to be corrected....
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01.13.07Things I learnt from the girls in front of me on the busShe shouldn't wear dresses like that. Seriously. She looks like a total hobbit when she wears that dress. Like, all trunk and no legs. Seriously. Marquee parties are just the worst. If either of these girls eat another canape they'll, like, totally vom. Seriously. Marquee parties are totally rubbish because they're out in the country so you have to talk to loads of people they hate and there's never enough food and they don't even do cocktails. Seriously. Except for girl B's friend, Tiggy Tiggy's marquee parties are the best because they're, like, outside, but they're in London, because her garden is, like, huge and she, like, always has loads ...
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08.09.06Business-Speak DaftnessThere are two phrases I hear a lot in the course of my work, which tickle me in some small way. I don't think they're perculiar to my workplace or industry, but they certainly seem to be increasing in frequency and breadth over the last few months. I'm as guilty as anyone else of using them, and I wonder if anyone reading this has any experience of them out in the wilds of your workplaces. Do tell... The first is used when trying to get a little face-time with someone (no, that's not the phrase, though it's bad enough in its ...
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02.18.06Overheard on the bus #287Slurred conversation between two people sat directly behind me. I didn't see them, but they were both very, very drunk. Him: Sally, Sally, Sally...I've got a confession to make Her: Oh? Him: It's like this...I'm in the middle of breaking up with my girlfriend Her: Oh, here we go... Him: No, no, hear me out....We've been together for seven years...we even bought a house together...that's the house we're going to now... Her: I'm starting to wonder if I should be on this bus at all Him: No, no, it's fine...but I don't want any rumours to start at work, ok? Her: Well, nothing's going to happen, so there'll ...
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01.16.06Snippets overheard on a rush-hour bus through deepest Tooting[The territorial markings of schoolboys on the bus window] "I 'AVE got an X-Box, I swear" "Bollocks" "No, I 'AVE, I SWEAR on my MUVVA'S LIFE I 'AVE" "Fark off, you 'aven't goh one" "I farkin' 'AVE. I'll go 'ome an' take a picture and bring it in tomorrow an' show ya" "Fark off, you ain't goh shih" "I FARKIN 'AVE. On my MUVVA'S LIFE. Would you believe me if I said I swear I 'ave, on 'er life, if she like dropped dead tomorrow?" "Whah if she goh shoh in the streeh or sumfing?" "Easy, bra! No need to be farkin' rude about my mum!" --------------------------------------------- "...I KNOW, that's what ...
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01.05.06Overheard on the busMan, thirtyish, with expensive pram: Is it? Is it really? Man, fiftyish, with camelhaircoat: Good lord, is it? My goodness. Really? Woman, thirtyish, with fendi bag: Gosh, it is, too. Man, thirtyish: Must've gone up in the new year, I suppose Woman, thirtyish: What a rip orf! Man, fiftyish: Is it really? What, to just over the bridge? Really? Man, thirtyish: Seems like an awful lot for just going over the bridge. Man, fiftyish: To anywhere? You're kidding, aren't you? Woman, thirtyish: Honestly, I can't believe it. What a total rip orf! Man, fiftyish: Not his fault, darling, he didn't make the decision, did he? Man, thirtyish: Gawd, no. Some ...
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