Jul 7, 2008
Towards a universal theory of measurement
You know when someone goes to the doctor in a movie, or in real life, and s/he looks gravely at the nervous patient and tells them he’s got some bad news and then describes the size of it and it’s always the size of a soft fruit. And as with tumours, cysts and other noxious swellings, so with babies.
And then when certain news organisations write stories about deforestation, oil slicks or similar, they compare the rate of loss with leisure facilities, principalities, or small nations.
The thing about all of these things is that they are universal. An apple is an apple is an apple. Everyone knows how big an elephant is. All of these things have a human scale, and can be imagined at will, to make a relevant comparison or to describe something else.
With that in mind, I’ve been trying to come up with a scale for the universal units of measurement (used for everything from foetus growth to tumours to deforestation). These are all things I’ve heard used as a relative size for things, but I’m sure it’s not exhaustive: Please add your own, if you know of others.
- Grain of sand
- Human hair
- Pea
- Fingernail
- Walnut
- Golf ball
- Kiwi fruit
- Apricot
- Avocado
- Fist
- Tennis ball
- Credit card
- Can of Coke
- Pack of cigarettes/Pack of playing cards (in these more enlightened times)
- Grapefruit
- Honeydew melon
- Paperback book
- Brick
- Football/Bowling ball
- Hardback book
- Watermelon
- Shoebox
- Big dog
- Cow
- Family car
- Garden shed
- Elephant
- Double-decker bus
- Nelson’s column
- Football field
- Isle of Wight
- Mount Everest
- Wales
- Belgium
- France
- Texas
(big gap)
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, trying saying the words “..about the size of a…” in front of any of the above.
(your suggestions and other late additions are in italics)
“Big dog” might start to fill in your gap. The big dog measure is always handy. Especially when describing imaginary creatures.
deck of playing cards
width of a hair
first knuckle
tennis ball
Now from someone as well travelled as yourself, how could you forget Texas? It’s hewg! And what about all this future tech we were promised that would be the size of a credit card (well according to the Daily Mail anyway).
My personal favourite is “a finger width”, beating “a piece of string” only narrowly into second place.
Belgium’s another country that often seems to get compared.
Ah yes, Belgium. I’ve not heard Texas used much myself (probably because people over here know it’s big, but not really *how* big - i’s slightly too unimaginable).
I’m not sure about Big Dog, because one person’s idea of big is different to anothers, but I know where you’re going, so I’ve added it in.
And yes, I can’t believe I forgot human hair, plus that perennial favourite: pack of cigarettes/playing cards.
Thanks - keep them coming…
Grape. Often related to bodily swellings I think.
*shudder*
p.s. What’s your sister’s secret?!!!!!!! Ok, I’ll get my coat…
I think that part of the reason for the big gap is that it’s around the size that people can readily appreciate anyway, kind of more or less human scale.
I’d probably add the Eiffel tower.
Baby’s arm.
Really useful when describing turd size. Although, alarmingly, I heard an American colleague refer to the fact that he ate a ‘really good baby’s arm last night’. Upon questioning, it’s his pet name for donar kebabs. So perhaps Baby’s Arm is multipurpose.
(Actually, it is already multipurpose - was watching a bit of the Austin Power’s Goldmember film the other day, and Michael Caine refers to the size of Mini-me’s schlong as ‘like a baby’s arm clutching a tennis ball’.)
It’s a cultural thing as well. “The size of a double-decker bus” doesn’t travel that well, so is replaced in the US with “the size of Rhode Island”. I think.
I’d love a doctor to describe the size of something in terms of a piece of string.
There’s a whole subset for volumes, too from spoonfull to bucket right up to the Albert Hall and Olympic swimming pools.
Coke Can (pretty universal)
Jumbo jet (itself measured in family cars)
head of cabbage (a nice floppy leaved one for vague dimensions)
ummmm (you know, about the size of a …ummmm)
Um, my computer at work is totally acting up and not letting me post comments properly. What I meant to write was:
–
Canada? I mean, we’re huge, and you need a unit of measurement bigger than Texas, right?
–
Feel free to delete those two above comments. Sorry!
“Oh wow, look at me now,
I’m building up my problems to the size of a cow” The Wonder Stuff
(That’s going to be in my head for the rest of the day now)
Bowling ball. I don’t know why, but I hear that one a lot.
I’d just like to take this opportunity to point out that the international system of Standard Routemaster Units was first proposed in my blog back on the 1st March 2006. My colleagues and I are always happy to hear proposals for extending the system and have been following your comments with considerable interest. Keep up the good work!
I forgot to put head in my previous comment. We use it a lot “That cookie is as big as your head!”
bean, matchbox or box of matches,
slightly outside the rules might be breadbin, as in ‘bigger than a…’
football pitches and/or tennis courts seem to get used a lot on the news, as in ‘the new development will be (insert measurement here), that’s roughly the size of 18 football pitches/tennis courts’.
And if you want to illustrate something that’s bigger than it should be, pick the next thing bigger and compare it to that. Apples the size of grapefruit, rats the size of cats, cups the size of bowls.
perhaps its more commonly used as a measure of length, but olympic sized swimming pools are oft used
Here is a handy site for calulating some of those things. I am 0.3 of a giraffe tall.
http://www.simonkelk.co.uk/sizeofwales.html