- All the tuneless two-bar whistlers.
- All the tinny earbud-makers.
- All the musicians who write loops which go “chhht-kh-chhht-kh-chhht-kh” when heard through poor quality headphones.
- All the bus drivers who lurch and stumble along the road, over-accelerating at every start and over-braking at every stop, forcing the disembarking passengers on the top deck and stairs to balance, brace, lunge for something to cling to, as if on a small boat in big seas.
- All the mobile-yakking women in fit-flops with icy highlights like frosting in their tousled hair.
- All the boys with jeans slung impossibly, stupidly low, the belt clinging to the tops of their sulky thighs: too low for comfort, they make constant slight adjustments to their mast position while their exposed underwear shrieks disinterest.
- All the lazy-chomping, open-mouthed, slack-jawed cud chewers, smacking their gum wetly.
- All the apple-eaters.
- All the slow-walking blackberry/mobile users, ambling along the pavement or platform, entirely engrossed in the quick flicking of their thumbs across the keypad, the blinking characters on tiny screen, oblivious to the crowds surging around them.
Anyone else?
Bus drivers. Scum. The standard has definitely slipped in recent years, they’re rubbish at driving now. People who eat apples in public deserve the Foot. Neck. Bullet treatment, loud eating - argh! It’s like sharing a bus or train with a bloody goat.
It is almost cheering to note that among all these new and modern urban annoyances there is still room for good old-fashioned two-bar whistling. Almost, but not quite. Also I am pleased by the familial (sororial??) consistency of stance on the subject of the audible public consumption of apples ( I seem to remember your sister devoting several posts, never mind just fragments of posts, to this very subject, and quite right too…)
Bosses
People who stop at the top of escalators; people who stop just outside the shop door; people who loiter at the back of queues but are not in the queue; people who have to walk three-deep along the pavement and won’t move over. I could go on.
Vicky you took the words out of my mouth.
But why the hate for the apple eaters?
Those who make loud smacking and gulping noises while eating.
Drivers that take their lane astride the line that separates two different lanes.
People who ask a question in conversation but show no interest in the reply.
Liars.
Ex’s who are inconsiderate of their children from the relationship.
How about people who play their music out loud on their tinny mobile phone, simply for the purpose of being irritating? And people who take suitcases on the tube during rush hour (and inevitably then fail to observe the standing on the right rule).
BTW, there’s a new development among the stupidly lo-slung jeans-wearing fraternity that goes beyond simply pulling them up at regular intervals; in the past year or so I’ve noticed the increasing frequency with which such oddly-dressed youth have taken to reaching down into their pants and re-adjusting themselves. I guess touching your cock in public is their way of saying ‘Look at me, I’m a MAN’, but as with the outfit, it simply makes the person in question look a bit of a prick.
Agree with Vicky about the tourists at the top of escalators, presumably the same people who cause congestion as they nervously creep towards an escalator like its Doctor Evil’s threshing machine of instant death.
All fat thighed pin striped blue suits on the Waterloo train who refuse to put their carry on bags in the overhead racks
All the people with open umbrellas who walk under store awnings when it’s pouring with rain.
All the people who oh so carefully place their empty Starbucks cups against Tube platform walls. Yes it is still littering even if you arrange your litter tidily
All the free-newspaper-pushing tics outside London Bridge Station. In fact everyone who’s involved in the entire ‘free’ newspaper business.
Thanks for providing space to vent. It feels like the surface has only been lightly scratched. No wonder the ‘Grumpy Old’ programmes run & run
So it’s not just me noticing the penis adjustment?
People who stand on the stairs on buses, especially when there are seats upstairs or when there are other people wanting to go up or down (obviously I don’t mean people who stand there as part of a queue to go up or down)