So every day on my way home I pass by the Hammersmith Apollo gig venue. And at least one day in three, pretty much, there’s a different band (or comedian) on.

But I don’t actually get to see the front of the Apollo until the bus pulls out of the bus station. So before that, between the tube and the bus, I get to see hoardes of people swarming the underground station, on their way to the gig, or picking up some refreshment (a sandwich and a neon alcopop, usually) from the Tesco Metro before they go in.

And as a result, every day I have a little guessing game for myself, in which I try to figure out who’s playing that night, before the answer is revealed, splashed across the marquee of the venue, or by a tout hissing the act name at me, whichever comes first.

Some nights are really easy, some are a bit harder. But I have, on occasion, scribbled a quick description in my notepad of the people hanging around, as well as the act they were there to see.

See if you can match the act with the description of its live fans, remembering that some descriptions may apply to several bands. Most nights it’s actually fairly easy. There are the occasional red herrings…

1. Lots of men with longish and/or thinning hair, tight jeans, scuffed trainers and black t-shirts now faded to greenish grey, most of which have teeny writing on the back revealing gig dates long past, accompanied by a few women with shaggy hair and tight jeans.
2. Your mum.
3. Teenagers who have obviously come in from school, changed out of their school uniforms, and then changed into outfits which look like a St Trinian’s version of school uniforms (all ripped shirts with writing on and fat ties), with hair in bunches.
4. Thirty- or forty-something men wearing sports jackets and trainers with slightly innappropriate hair, accompanied by women with long hair.
5. Teenagers/twenty-somethings wearing acid-bright boob-tubes and/or shorts, trainers, ballgowns, shiny hair and plastic jewellery.
6. Older couples, usually her dragging him, and groups of late twenty-something women, having a girly night out, at least one of whom will be wearing a feather boa.
7. Twelve year olds in glittery boob-tubes, heels, makeup and straightened hair.
8. Thirty-something men with slight beer paunches, in shirts, with women who’ve come straight from work. Mostly dates.
9. Twenty-something white women with tight tops and jeans, accompanied by male companions who look as if they’ve been dragged along.
10. Thirty- and forty-something black women, wearing swathes of man-made fibres and metallic makeup
11. Students, and people who look like students. Many t-shirts.
12. Everyone in layers of black, possibly with purple, including bountiful hair dye, nail polish and makeup, on everyone. Boys with short hair have it slicked up and forward at impossible angles. Girls with long hair have it tied up in knots. There are platform boots with metallic bits on them, backpacks shaped like cuddly toys (possibly with eyes removed), and everyone’s drinking alcopops, especially those under 19. Most people in small groups. Some lone men (well, boys) who look a bit sad and yet also a bit punchy.

1. Beyonce
2. Ricky Gervais
3. Lily Allen
4. Sir Elton John
5. Slipknot OR Marilyn Manson OR Suicide Crotch Vom
6. Paul Weller
7. Metallica OR AC/DC OR Whitesnake.
8. Ross Noble
9. Busted
10. Alexander O’Neal
11. Goo-Goo Dolls
12. Bryan Adams