Attention TV commissioning Editors (especially those from BBC3/Channel five/Sky three/ITV3): the summer’s on its way, and before you know it, it’ll be sunny and warm and that means that commissioning new and interesting programming for the autumn season is just going to get in the way of long liquid lunches and hanging around with your sleeves rolled up in Soho Square.
But fear not! I have the answer to your problem, in the form of this handy mix’n'match show title generator.
Using literally minutes of brainpower, combined with a lifetime of passive couch-potato activity, I’ve distilled the essence of winning programming which has proved so successful in the past (if the broadcast schedules are anything to go by), and turned it into a simple formula:
Proper Noun (Possessive) + Superlative + Plural Noun
Simply hit the link below and - hey presto - highly derivative televisual concepts a-go-go! Your show title will appear in the box beneath. Simply copy, paste, find some “edgy” music for the titles, get a voice-over from Ross Kemp and you’re sorted.
Birmingham’s Stupidest Hamsters
Yay!
“The North-East’s Poshest Welders”
Double yay!
Actually “Ireland’s most violent trolley dolleys” wins it for me.
“Do you want a feckin bag of peanuts or not? Or shall we take this outside?”
The South-East’s Poshest Strippers sounds too real for words. I think they’ve already made that one.
Great stuff! Link-o!
Ah, it took a couple of tries, but I got there, with
Stoke Newington’s Most Irritating Bloggers
That was me, a couple of years ago! Have you got ‘Brighton’s’ in there? I could bring it right up to date with a sequel!
Greenland’s Most Famous Immigrants
genius.
Stoke Newington’s Loneliest Soap Stars
followed immediately by
Estonia’s Stupidest Dentists
A valuable tool!
Estonia’s Stupidest Dentists 10pm, Friday May 11th 2007, BBC Three
Titles - Standing in the Way of Control (Gossip) with shots of Tallinn Rooftops
Fade to: Man in white coat with slightly unruly hair
VO (Ross Kemp): In the bleakness of former Soviet territory, Estonia’s capital, Tallinn, shines like a healthy molar. Jukka’s been a dentist here for twenty years.
Widen shot to show dentist standing next to a treatment chair. A patient draped in a white bib with mouth open looks worried.
Jukka: [subtitled] My revolutionary dental practices can seem rather unorthodox, but having been practice for two decades, I always assure my patients that I do know what I’m doing.
Cut to: shot of dentist limbering up at a barre, stretching and humming the Ride of the Valkyries. Patient in the background looks more worried.
VO: Jukka is no ordinary dentist, though. His methods include the use of suction and high-pressure jets to treat dental ailments from routine decay to root-canals.
Cut to shot of dentist holding plunger and fire-hose. Patient looks most alarmed. Music: Under Pressure (Bowie)
Wow - brilliant - what happened to British TV?
[…] A funny interactive post on the state of British TV by meg. […]
“Estonia’s most famous Australians” is my favourite so far.
History’s Laziest Doctors
“Sorry, Achilles. It’s your ankle, see? Anything around there is likely to be fatal. Unlucky.”
[…] Got yourself employed as a commissioning editor at Channel 5? Need an idea for a new show? Look no further than here. I particularly like the one at the top of the comments section and wonder if Matt was being rude about Fatty (I mean Patrick). […]
[…] Click here to generate titles for the next big tv show…..http://meish.org/2007/05/03/televisual-gold-guaranteed/#remove […]
Life’s worst surprises - a light hearted look at the worst possible things that can happen to you.
LWS (1974) - Could be done by year as well. Stuart Maconie : “There was nothing worse than being crushed by a space hopper”.
LWS’s Little Worst Surprises - the multi-channel diffusion line.
LWS.com - website where you can share the worst thing’s that ever happened to you. Win a really bad surprise holiday.
LWS Punk’d - Ashton Kuchner throws fake surprises on people ie. wake up and find yourself going out with Demi Moore.
@chrislunch : I learnt there’s an Irish saint called St. Feckin. A friend of mine’s cousin chosen it as his confirmation name.
Miami’s Scariest Hamsters
This is pure genius, Meg.
[…] see, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! A few months ago, I made a televisual gold programme name generator which TV commissioning Editors (especially those from BBC3/Channel five/Sky three/ITV3) could use […]