• To the two PR bints in the row behind me on the flight to Dublin: I had no idea that it was possible to have a forty minute conversation about the layout and furniture of your new office, but you have demonstrated ably that it is. Congratulations.
• To the woman with the loud and irritating voice on the flight from Dublin on Wenesday: You know how you were saying to your friend that you need quiet and you can’t concentrate if it’s too noisy? Well, me too. Shut up.
• To the businessman in the shiny suit and smeary specs on the flight this morning: If you’re going to pick your nose while sitting in the same row of seats as me on the plane, at least don’t flick resulting bogies away from yourself (and towards me)
• Also: If you’re going to flick bogies away from yourself (and towards me), don’t be surprised if I object. Loudly.
• To the man in the battered jacket and Ancient Mariner baseball cap on the flight the other day: There’s an Albatross joke reference in there somewhere, only I’m too sleepy to make it. I’ll get back to you.
• To the man sitting at the imac next to me in the BA lounge at CDG right now: Oh, right, you’re American. Oh, and you’re an accountant. For (…) firm. Right. And you like chips. Great. Happy for you. And the world’s full of bad news. I see. And you like Gin and tonic. Ok. But only since you moved to Yurp. Great. I’m overjoyed. Now would you mind letting me get on? I’ve got important blog posts to write. Oh, you’re off to Prague. Thanks for letting me know.
• To the suit in the lounge: a) it wouldn’t kill you to say thanks when someone takes your three empty glasses and four empty packets of chips away and b) if you throw drinks down your neck at that speed, you have to anticipate that there might be a possible choking incident. That is all.
• To the man in the bad jumper in the lounge near me: STOP PICKING YOUR TEETH. Also, you smell weirdly of Tuna and Polo mints. What’s up with that?

I’m trying not to be curmudgeonly, really I am. But I had two hours sleep last night and I’m cranky. Sorry.