1. She shouldn’t wear dresses like that. Seriously.
2. She looks like a total hobbit when she wears that dress.
3. Like, all trunk and no legs. Seriously.
4. Marquee parties are just the worst.
5. If either of these girls eat another canape they’ll, like, totally vom. Seriously.
6. Marquee parties are totally rubbish because they’re out in the country so you have to talk to loads of people they hate
7. and there’s never enough food
8. and they don’t even do cocktails. Seriously.
9. Except for girl B’s friend, Tiggy
10. Tiggy’s marquee parties are the best because they’re, like, outside, but they’re in London, because her garden is, like, huge
11. and she, like, always has loads of canapes like mini fish and chips and mini desserts
12. and, like, loads of cocktails as well as champagne and wine
13. The worst parties, like, ever, are when you get jews not drinking enough and christians drinking too much
14. That’s so much worse than the other way around. Seriously.
15. When girl A’s cousin gets married, she says she wants a small wedding
16. Girl A will, like, obviously be there however small it is
17. She thinks, however, that a big wedding would be more of a laugh
18. That’s ok, though, because apparently Girl A’s cousin is, like, so totally bullyable that Girl A is going to be able to make her change it.
19. Mutual friend E has just joined Facebook
20. She’s put her wedding photos up, too
21. The cool thing is you, like, totally can’t tell she was five months pregnant at all
22. Girl B thinks it’s sweet that they got married before the baby arrived.
23. Girl A would rather wait until the baby was born.
24. She thinks it’s much better to be thin and wasted than fat and sober.
25. They’re going to re-synch the traffic lights on Kensington High St when they extend the congestion charge.
26. This will give the impression of better-flowing traffic through the area.
27. That’s so naughty. Seriously.
28. In the movie In Her Shoes, Girl B didn’t think that they were all supposed to be Jewish, because Cameron Diaz is, like, so totally not Jewish.

(previously in this series: Things I Learnt From the Boy Behind Me on the Bus)