Only I could have sworn it was back - but this time, based on a newspaper - judging by the copy of the London Paper (News International’s attempt at a free yoof-oriented commuter rag) that I found discarded (presumably in disgust) on the tube back from Heathrow last night.

The lead story?

“Pervs” lurk in Square (by Hannah Summers)

This contained all the classic hallmarks of The Day Today: expert quotes from outraged moral guardians, use of crazy gadgetry, scare-mongering, technology, perverts, innocence blemished, etc. Bonus points are awarded for the use of the words:

• Deviants
• Glut
• Prey
• Insidious
• Leering perverts
• Wholly repugnant

  and of course, that eternal favourite:

• Twisted sex pests

Today’s paper, I can see from the online summary, contains not one but TWO stories about (presumably the same) perverts filming up the skirts of unknowing women on trains etc:

• ‘My pants became web fodder’ (article written by Bridget Harrison) and
• Hi-tech Peeping Toms (by Monica Porter)

Can we expect an incremental number of identikit sex-fiend shock alert story every day, then?

Also, I think they may have got their deviant stories mixed up, because in the one about Trafalgar Sq, the first paragraph states:

Perverts with hidden digital cameras are allegedly filming women and children in Trafalgar Square and other major tourist attractions, it emerged today.

And yet, by the fifth paragraph they say:

The leering perverts appear to take innocuous tourist pictures but cynically capture tots innocently enjoying their day, it is alleged.

What, they appear to be taking innocuous tourist pictures with their hidden cameras? How? By pointing their boot at the National Gallery? Otherwise how would you notice? And how many innocuous tourists do you know with a hidden camera?

Bloody hell, if you’re going to make this shit up to scare the population of a city, at least be coherent about it.

Seriously, is Chris Morris lurking back there, behind the Editor’s desk? Hello?