Feb 18, 2006
Overheard on the bus #287
Slurred conversation between two people sat directly behind me. I didn’t see them, but they were both very, very drunk.
Him: Sally, Sally, Sally…I’ve got a confession to make
Her: Oh?
Him: It’s like this…I’m in the middle of breaking up with my girlfriend
Her: Oh, here we go…
Him: No, no, hear me out….We’ve been together for seven years…we even bought a house together…that’s the house we’re going to now…
Her: I’m starting to wonder if I should be on this bus at all
Him: No, no, it’s fine…but I don’t want any rumours to start at work, ok?
Her: Well, nothing’s going to happen, so there’ll be no rumours to start about anything
Him: Yeah, yeah.
Her: I don’t even know your surname. I’m at a disadvantage to you. You know mine.
Him: Yeah, but I’m your boss; I know everything.
Her: Right. Hey, how come you don’t have a car? I thought all the big bosses had cars?
Him: Oh, I’ve got one. I just….
Her: Or a chauffeur or summat?
Him: Yeah, I left him by the…
Her: I went to [name of old polytechnic], you know
Him: Yeah, it’s a poly
Her: No, actually, I have to make this little speech, right…it’s the best ex-poly in the country, right, and I had to have a LOT of points to get in there, you know? So I’m not ashamed or anything.
Him: Right
Her: I’m going to tell you, like, the BIGGEST secret
Him: Oh?
Her: I didn’t tell you this at the interview, right, but I was made redundant from my last job and the payout went into my account this evening
Him: Wow. Yeah, take the cash, seriously. Yeah.
Her: So I could have paid for a taxi, you know?
Him: But I like the bus. And I like drinking.
Her: I like how you play pool.
Him: Oh yeah?
Her: I was stuck playing with that tutti-frutti disabled bloke all night until you came up
Him: Oh, he’s a really nice guy
Her: Oh, I’m sure, I’m just not…very PC, I guess
Him: No, I have to pretend to be PC, because I’m the boss, but I’m not really
Her: Well, I think we’ve all got a bit of un-PCness in us, but we have to hide it. I mean, my brother’s autistic, but I still make fun of the mentally ill
Him: What’s that mean?
Her: Oh, it’s like Asperger’s, kind of and…
Him: No, I mean what does that MEAN? I mean, what’s he like and that?
Her: Oh, he sits at home on is arse all day and does nothing
Him: He’s a lucky, lucky man
Her: He’s got OCD too.
Him: He’s a lucky, lucky, lucky man
Her: But he’s my brother and I love him
Him: See that river? That’s the Thames
Her: I shouldn’t be on this bus with you, should I? I mean, you’re my boss, right?
Him: Don’t worry, we’re nearly at my place, now, we’ll just have a little drink…
Her:..and then I can get my cab to Acton?
Him:…and then you can get your cab.
