(for the song that - good or bad - got stuck in your brain for days/weeks/months on a permaloop)
Nizlopi - JCB Song

I have a problem. Sometimes, when I’m particularly stressed by things, I find it difficult to switch off in the evenings. If I’m particularly wound up, then I find it difficult to fall asleep at night. Things keep going round and round and round in my head, and I just can’t stop them.

Sometimes it’s a thought, or replaying a particular situation. Sometimes it’s a phrase or bunch of words which just keep on churning. And sometimes, the thing on permaloop in my brain has nothing to do with my stress, but has somehow become lodged there in the course of the day, like a poppyseed between two molars.

Sometimes, those times, it’s a song, or piece of music. It’s only happened to me two or three times in the last year or so, but each time is painful - I toss and turn in bed and curse the songwriter, the musicians, the studio technicians, the A&R rep, the publicist and everyone who might have had anything to do with the production of such an earworm.

On one such night last year, I was kept awake into the wee small hours by the 24 bar riff which accompanies one of Luigi’s Rec Room card games in Super Mario World DS, which I had been playing before I put my head down. That was irritating, and I vowed henceforth to play that particular game with the sound off.

The other such sleepless night was caused by Nizlopi’s endearing JCB Song, which I came across on their website, and listened to a couple of times during the day. Later - much later - that night, I lay staring at the ceiling, screaming inside my head over the refrain

We’re holding up the bypass / woooaooooah / me and my dad having a top laugh / oooaoooah / and I’m sitting on the toolbox / woaoah / and I’m so glad I’m not in school boss / glad I’m not in school….

Round and round and round and round it went.
I turned onto my side.
I flipped over onto my stomach.
I sat up and plumped the pillows.
I punched myself in the ear.
I tried thinking about Snooker Loopy Nuts Are We instead, which usually does the trick, but to no avail.

Finally, as it was starting to get light, I managed to dislodge it from my cranium, replacing it with something else. Unfortunately, I only managed to replace it with the faster bridge bit of the song

I’m Luke, I’m five, my dad’s Bruce Lee / Drives me round in his JCB

And on and on it went, until the birds were all awake, the flights started coming overhead again and it was time to get up.

Since then, I’ve tried to avoid listening to it, or even reading the lyrics, for fear of triggering a repeat nocturnal performance. Of course, writing this now has started the tune in my brain….

Nizlopi, that was a sweet little song and everything, and your meteoric rise to the top of the charts via the wonderful web is truly impressive, but I hate you for writing the audio equivalent of crack cocaine. Begone, and never darken my brain again with your tuneful childhood musings.

And take Kylie Minogue with you.