[The territorial markings of schoolboys on the bus window]

“I ‘AVE got an X-Box, I swear”
“Bollocks”
“No, I ‘AVE, I SWEAR on my MUVVA’S LIFE I ‘AVE”
“Fark off, you ‘aven’t goh one”
“I farkin’ ‘AVE. I’ll go ‘ome an’ take a picture and bring it in tomorrow an’ show ya”
“Fark off, you ain’t goh shih”
“I FARKIN ‘AVE. On my MUVVA’S LIFE. Would you believe me if I said I swear I ‘ave, on ‘er life, if she like dropped dead tomorrow?”
“Whah if she goh shoh in the streeh or sumfing?”
“Easy, bra! No need to be farkin’ rude about my mum!”

———————————————

“…I KNOW, that’s what I said….
…You ‘member ‘ow I was always goin’ on ah ‘im to geh my name tah-ooed on ‘is arm?
…Well, ‘e only wen’ an’ farkin’ did ih, din’ ‘e?…
…Nah, on ‘is back…
…Nah, up near ‘is showdahs…
…Nah, it’s in Chinese wossnames. He showed it me on Sah’di, an’ I says ‘wass’at ‘en?’ an he says ‘it’s your name innit?’…
…Yeah, ‘e aksed me again on Sahndi. I said no fanks, I ain’ geh’in married again - once bih’en, twice shy an ‘at….”

——————————————

“I am! I’m eating a pear! Listen: [she takes a bite of her pear and munches it into the phone] …ok, see you at home, darling. Love you!”
[she spits the mouthful of pear into a tissue, wraps it and puts it into her coat pocket]