Feb 12, 2005
Sketches of Spain France
- A couple canoodling on the flight to Paris, in the row behind.
Him: “Would you love me more if I had hair?”
Her: “I would love you less if you did.”
What did this mean? Did she have a special thing for bald men? Or was she trying to say that he wouldn’t be himself if he had hair, so she would love him less, or what? - An aging man with a bulbous red nose and a scruffy corduroy jacket who was very specific in his drink request to the hostess:
“I would like TWO gins and ONE tonic, if you please.”
He was not amused when he received ONE gin and TWO tonics.
“Pur-leese,” he snarled, “who would want such a weak drink?” - A man determined to engage the stewardess in conversation – through boredom, loneliness or lust, I’m not sure which:
Is that a new uniform you’re wearing? (No)
Where is your accent from? (Same place as the rest of me)
When do you get off? (When the plane lands)
What’s it like working on a plane? (Just like working on the ground, but higher) - A taxi driver more interested in finding the station playing Voyage Voyage on the radio than watching the chaotic eight lanes of traffic orbiting the Arc de Triomphe
Voyage, voyage
Plus loin que la nuit et le jour, (voyage voyage)
Voyage (voyage)
Dans l’espace inouï de l’amour.The song stuck in my head on permaloop for the next forty hours.
- A tall moustachioed man in a dishdasha and silk ghoutra, complete with black akal and matching Gucci chain shoes, tucking into sausages and beans for breakfast.
- Three conference delegates, dessicated from over-enthusiastic air-conditioning (programmed firmly for February, when the weather was more like April), standing name-badged and clutching papers outside their hotel, relishing fresh(ish) air and fine, rehydrating drizzle.
- Standing on a balcony at midnight, watching the blue searchlight at the top of the eiffel tower sweep across the Parisian skyline.
- Two besuited English businesswomen waiting at the crowded gate for the very full flight to London:
One: “I don’t care if they’re queuing, I’ve been waiting here for ages and I’m going to jump into the front of the queue”
Two: “Well, you’d better be subtle about it…”
One: “Nonsense: I shall pretend to be French”
Two: “Then you’d better not carry your passport quite so obviously…” - Tired-looking man finding his seat was in the last row of the plane.
He, to the stewardess: “Goodness, any further back and I’d have to push!”
Tired-looking stewardess: “No sir, you just have to pedal instead”
He: “Huh?”
She: “Pedal?”
He: “Oh right. Yes. I’ll…do that.” - Two suited businessmen, one American, one Scottish. The American, sotto voce: “…I mean, I floss, I brush twice a day, and I’ve tried those tablets, but nothing…”
