Can we just go over this whole interactive world wide globalhypermegainterwebnet thing again? I know it can be a bit confusing, so let’s just go over a couple of key points.

First, in your advert, you say:

“World of Creamy Cheeses! Call us for more information or click on www.worldofcreamycheeses.com”

This is not right. If I click on www.worldofcreamycheeses.com, I will, in fact, end up somewhere else. This is called “linking” and it’s quite fundamental.

Better to say: “Visit us at www.worldofcreamycheeses.com”

Secondly, you want me to contact you. You’re a DJ. You want feedback. OK, that’s understandable. So how do you ask for it?

“This is cheesy Dave at the top of the hour…there’s more Mariah Carey coming up, but right now, I want to hear your thoughts on nasal congestion. You can email me or phone. The email address is www.groovemongousFM.com. Let me know your personal experience of mucus…”

No, it’s not. Your email address is cheesy.dave@grouvemungousFM.com or similar, but it most definitely isn’t what you just said. That’s your web address. You might mean that you can be contacted via an email contact form on your site. But that’s not the same as your email address. And before you start, it’s not cheesy.dave@www.grouvmungousFM.com, either, which I’ve seen printed on more than one magazine or billboard ad in recent months

Better to say: “Email me via our website, www….” or “Email me at cheesy.dave@…”

You’re giving our your web address at the end of a programme or song, so you say

“If you’re interested in finding out more about the role of pointy hats in cider-making, visit our website at: all the double-yous dot pissedasapointyhattedcidermaker dot co dot you kay…”

All the double-yous? What, all of them? How many is all of them? All the Ws in the world? That’s a lot of Ws. I mean, I must have at least 34 in my pocket here, so if I put in wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.pissedasapointyhattedcidermaker.co.uk, will that get me to your site? Answer: no.

Better to say: “double-you double-you double-you dot….” or dub-dub-dub, etc etc.

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the Slightlysmugcoswegetit party.