Computerised Female Voice: Hello Meg.
Meg: Hello.
CFV: Please choose your first category.
Meg: [leans forward to touch screen] Faith & Fortune
CFV: Please choose a number on the screen.
Meg: Number eight
CFV: If you came back as a ghost, who would you torment?
Meg: Anyone who had rejoiced at my death. That’d piss them off. Number seventeen.
CFV: Do games of chance appeal to you?
Meg: No. Well, yes, but I try to steer well clear, in case I get too tempted.
CFV: Thank you. Please choose your next category.
Meg: [leans forward to touch screen] Sweet and Bitter, please.
CFV: Please choose a number on the screen.
Meg: Number two.
CFV: What is the nicest thing someone has ever said to you?
Meg: That I inspired them. Number twelve.
CFV: Name one thing that you have in your life and that you would like to be rid of.
Meg: Anticipatory worry. Number five.
CFV: What type of person makes you uneasy?
Meg: Angry people; people who shout or argue.
CFV: The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth. Please concentrate on the following questions and try to answer as sincerely as possible. If you do not tell the truth, you will not be able to show your video.
Meg: Okay…
CFV: Why do you still bother keeping your weblog updated?
Meg: Habit, I suppose. I don’t particularly feel the need to stop, though it’s often difficult to think of what to write - or rather, how to write what I want to say. Too much audience consideration can be stifling.
CFV: What is the most unattractive trait of web users?
Meg: Inability to distinguish between the public and the truly personal. The third place is a sort of public intimacy, which is still public, after all. But it’s not the same as that which is actually personal.
CFV: Thank you. Please choose another category.
Meg:[leans forward to touch screen] Love and Passion, please.
CFV: Please choose a number from the screen.
Meg: Number one.
CFV: Have you ever been in love?
Meg: Yes. Number six.
CFV: Do you truly hate anybody?
Meg: Yes, but I try really hard not to. But yes. Number eleven.
CFV: What is your favourite place to be kissed?
Meg: Not telling.
CFV: Thank you. Please select five characteristics on the screen which best describe yourself.
Meg: [leans forward to touch words on screen] Impatient. Resourceful. Creative. Open. Kind.
CFV: Thank you.
Meg: No, thank you.

Does anybody have any idea what I’m talking about? At all?

To jog your memory: Star Test. 1989. Channel 4. A celebrity sits in front of a camera/TV screen and a well-spoken female computerised voice gets them to select from categories such as Love & Passion, Power & Glory, Bitter & Sweet, Faith & Fortune and so on. Within each category there were twenty blind questions. The celeb answered five questions from each section they chose, in order to win the opportunity to play their latest video or a clip from their new series or whatever.

I always always wanted to be on it. I liked - still like - answering questions. I liked the choosing of categories, the seemingly intimate bite-size revelations. Of course, they only featured celebrities - but I’d play along at home, in my head. Is there anything anyone would like to know?