I’m a hypocrite and I hate it.

My hypocrisy isn’t related to the fact that today I sat behind a desk working for The Man while my comrades bled in the streets. Fuck that.

My hypocrisy is more to do with the fact that while I sympathise with many of the ideals represented in the protest today - social, environmental awareness - I disagree with violent protest, I disagree with the media turning the whole thing into a circus and I disagree with the way the whole protest was lumped together under one rather mis-shapen umbrella (by the protestors, by the media, by the detractors).

As an individual, I know that I don’t do everything I can to correct the fact that there is something seriously wrong with the world, society, the environment, whatever, and that pisses me off. Call it middle-class guilt, if you want.

I don’t recycle enough, because ironically, my choice to not own a car means that I can’t take my bottles to the bottle bank without cutting off the circulation in my fingers while lugging carrier bags *to* the supermarket. My local council, who I voted into power, doesn’t provide adequate recycling facilities, and that irritates me beyond measure, especially having lived in a country (Canada) where recycling your garbage is as normal and natural as brushing your teeth.

I have things. I like things. I think I have too many things sometimes, but it doesn’t stop me buying more. I like having money. I don’t have a huge amount, but I have enough to do the things that I want to do, sometimes. I like spending it - not just on myself, but on the people around me. I like the fact that my job and salary and lifestyle enable me to live in a way which I enjoy, mostly. I don’t want to give it all up and live in a farmhouse, tree or teepee, thankyouverymuch.

I work for The Man. But I take some comfort in the fact that although it sounds weak, if I didn’t do my job, someone else would, and I’m fairly convinced that they would probably do it with less integrity and responsibility than I do it. I try to consider all actions, all outcomes, inside and outside the company. I try to find creative, organic, intelligent solutions, even though the end result is the same: money. I try and do my job as best I can, within and beyond the limitations of my situation.

And I know there’s something wrong. I know there’s a lot wrong. And beyond a lack of recycling, gadgetry and my job, I do whatever I can (well, sometimes less, but in my head, whatever) to make a difference - which manifests itself mostly as a monthly tithe to a charity, voluntary time given that I don’t shout about, avoiding GM or battery-farm produce, subscriptions to the New Internationalist and Prospect (and The Industry Standard, and New Media Age and Campaign, but these aren’t helping me to make my point, I feel), giving things I don’t want or need to charity shops, having a voice and using it, but most of all, it manifests itself in education.

I read, I watch, I talk to people, I learn, I find out about things, the world, people, their lives and situations, and then I make informed decisions about how I feel, what I think, what I believe and what I can do about it. I talk to people, I tell, I show and share and help and educate and lend books, magazines, clip articles, influence, debate, make an effort to make a difference. And that is the best I can do.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. A lot is a powerful thing.