Spiders: squash, ignore or release?

Flies: swat, ignore, or coax out of the window?

Moths: splat, ignore or whisk out the window?

Wasps and Bees: calmy ignore, thwack into oblivion, flail madly with arms and elbows, or scream and run like a girl?

I recently realised that I have inherited a rare talent from my maternal grandfather.

I have this distinct memory of sitting on his knee in the garden, aged about three, as he swatted at flies with a kitchen knife. He had terrific aim, and often succeeded in dismembering the little pests, though on at least one occasion he swiped at a passing black dot and missed. The buzzing bastard flew off, swiftly, and I said:

“Grandad, you missed that one!”

“Well yes,” he said, “but that fly will never have children…”

I had no idea what he meant.

I don’t do it with knives, but I’m a dab hand with a ruler.