Aug 26, 2002
New Rules
- When you are unable to sleep in because of prior commitments (work, travel, appointment) you will snooze through the alarm.
- When you are perfectly able to sleep in (Bank Holiday, Sunday, unemployed), you will either
a) wake at your normal time and be unable to sleep again (see boyfriend)
b) wake up inexplicably three minutes before your alarm usually goes off and get sleepily confused about what day it is or
c) be disturbed from slumber by someone outside shouting, or hammering, or digging up the road, or doing whatever people are possessed by doing on a Bank Holiday. - If you do a big online grocery purchase, to be delivered on Tuesday night, you will inevitably run out of cereal/toilet roll/milk/some other small but important household item on Monday morning, and then you will be torn between waiting until the delivery or going to the rip-off Supersave around the corner to purchase a replacement. Some things are necessary, some less so, but it’s the principle.
- When selecting a locker at the gym early on a deserted Bank Holiday Sunday morning, you will unwittingly pick a locker which will attract other early-morning gym attendees like flies to a particularly sticky bun. When you arrive back in the changing room after your workout, you will find that the space is completely deserted, every locker empty and unused with the exception of the corner in which your previously-selected locker is situated, which is packed full of naked amazon women jostling for space, preventing you from reaching your locker and retrieving your towel, etc.
- Presented with a cluster of amazonian women, it will be quite difficult to look nonchelant, especially if you are the only one wearing clothes. It will be difficult to know where to look when waiting for the space around your locker to be vacated. Good options include: the floor; the bench; the ceiling; your water bottle.
- Long weekends are never quite long enough.
- Short weeks are never quite short enough.
