Oh my god. I just saw the best commerical I’ve seen in absolutely ages, reminding me exactly how much I love North American TV. This product has restored my faith single-handedly. It’s a product I think Luke would really really appreciate, and I’m tempted to get it for him - except I doubt they ship this marvel of modern invention overseas. It would be excellent to have something to put on the mantlepiece next to the lovely Fabio - it’s Boogie Bass. It sings! It dances! It tells jokes! And it’s only $19.99! Mounted on a plaque, Boogie Bass has a built-in motion detector, so when your friends come over to admire your catch, won’t they be surprised when the fish turns to them and starts singing?! I love it.

This is the kind of product that is constantly lampooned (like Saturday Night Live’s infamous Dan Ackroyd/Bass-O-Matic skit) - but the Boogie Bass actually exists! Of course, you know full well that it’s the kind of thing which would be vaguely amusing for the first 20 minutes of ownership, maybe even as long as it took you to dupe a friend, and then the novelty would rapidly pale. Much like musical doorbell chimes: you can only listen to a badly midi-ized version of the William Tell overture once before you rip out the batteries and revert to knocking. Trust me. This comes from personal experience.